10 ways to get rid of customers you don't want

badcustomersSo, most of the posts here so far have either been about how to get more customers or what I find disgusting, but something I haven’t yet mentioned is how to get rid of customers! Yes, you read correctly. Every bar and restaurant has customers they don’t want, just aren’t worth the effort or you’ve just had a bad day and want to go home, so here are 10 ways to get rid of customers you don’t want today. Chances are any of these points will have customers moving towards the door rather quickly:

  1. Seat 6 customers at a table for 2 because “it’s the only table you have left”.
  2. Be within earshot of the customers when you mention the rash you can’t get rid of to other servers.
  3. Open all the windows and doors to “air the restaurant” when the last table won’t leave.
  4. Lift your customers up to dust the seat under them to “get a head start on the cleaning”.
  5. Discuss the horrendous cost of cockroach traps that you recently had to buy.
  6. When asked what you would recommend, point across the road to McDonalds.
  7. When cleaning the nearby tables, be sure to angle the cleaning spray so that it doesn’t hit the customers (we wouldn’t want them to leave now, would we?)
  8. Ask the customer every two minutes if everything is ok. If yes, return to point 5.
  9. Ask your female customers if having that cake is really such a good idea. Especially considering…
  10. Move the 6 customers from their table of 2 to a table for 1 because of “the recession”.

If all of this fails, you have the most committed and devoted customers ever in the world.

Treasure them…

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